


and conversations

by forgettheghosts



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: And all that entails, Drabble, M/M, coda to 2.12, debriefing your trauma on your moms back stoop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-27
Updated: 2020-06-27
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:54:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,315
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24938623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/forgettheghosts/pseuds/forgettheghosts
Summary: A debrief occurs on Fran Morgan's back stoop.Coda to 2.12.
Relationships: Derek Morgan/Spencer Reid
Comments: 9
Kudos: 171





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Using quarantine to watch CM after being told to for years. 2.12 really hit me hard.

Derek finally returned home at 3:30 AM after the longest night of his life to find Spencer Reid hunched over a note pad and coffee cup on his mother’s couch.

At the sound of the door opening Fran, Desiree and Sara all rushed to meet Derek, fussing over his reassurances that he was ok. 

Reid watched him from the couch until Derek motioned towards the back door of the kitchen. The other man stood and made his way outside.    
“I gotta debrief with Reid. Mama, think you could make some coffee?”

“Of course, baby. But you need rest, too. You can’t have gotten any sleep.”

“I’ll be up for a while yet. We head back to Quantico tomorrow.”

“But-”

“I’ll be back in a minute.”

Under ordinary circumstances cutting off his mother would have earned him a pinched ear at least. It spoke to the severity of the situation that even Fran Morgan was willing to let manners slide. 

Exiting the living room, Derek made his way onto the tiny back stoop of the house, little more than cracked concrete with two plastic chairs. Reid occupied one of them, a uncommonly sighted cigarette in one hand. 

“Don’t let my mom catch you with that. I thought you only smoked on cannibal cases?” Derek joked dryly. 

“I’m making an exception. Special occasions, and all.” Reid replied. His gaze was as sharp as ever, though for once he wasn’t going to take the first word. 

Morgan all but collapsed in the other chair and held out a hand, which was soon occupied by a lighter and half crushed pack of Marlboros. 

“I can’t believe these things are your vice of choice.”

Reid shrugged. “Vegas, what can I say.”

Derek nodded wryly, taking a drag. 

“Hotch briefed you?”

“Yes. I didn’t tell your family- just that the killer was a member of the community and you got him to confess. I thought you might want to… but I can brief them, if you’d prefer.”

Derek shook his head. “No. My mom deserves to hear it from me. I can’t let her find out from someone else.”

“You want to protect her, even though she didn’t notice.” Reid said. 

From anyone else the comment would have been cruel. But from Reid it was just a statement- an observation he made as easily as breathing. 

“I hid it from her. Wouldn’t make sense to be angry at her for not noticing something I worked so hard to hide.” Derek replied. 

“It might not make sense, but you feel it anyway. That’s expected.” Ried paused. “I assume that your history with him is why you’re ashamed of being attracted to men?”

“Haven’t you had enough of profiling me for one day?” Derek snapped. 

“Sorry.” Reid said, gaze shifting away. 

As uncouth as Reid could be sometimes, he was almost never wrong. 

There was some part of Derek, no matter how accepting he was of others, that whispered in Carl Buford’s voice that he was dirty. Some other part of him that whispered touching another man, no matter how consensually, made him the same kind of monster Carl was. 

Reid’s observational prowess has meant he had wriggled his way past Derek’s guards and machismo, and eventually into his bed. But they never discussed it, and never flirted any more jokingly than Derek would with anyone else on the team. 

He knew it was a little unfair- Reid had little experience with relationships, and for all the both of them dedicated themselves to understanding human psychology, neither of them had been willing to bring up the ever growing elephant of emotional detachment in the room.

Until now. 

“I just don’t want to talk about that right now.”

“Yeah. Sorry. Still in case mode.” Reid replied. 

Derek saw out of the corner of his eye Reid lift a hand towards him, before thinking better of it and placing it down on the table, putting out his cigarette butt in his coffee cup. 

“It’s good you confronted him alone.”

“What?”

“I mean, he couldn’t overpower you physically. But you know what Hotch says about my marksmanship. Who knows where I might’ve aimed.” Reid said, smirk clear in his voice. 

Morgan laughed, despite himself. “I’d pay good money to see you shoot Carl like you did that sniper, pretty boy.”

“Guess we’d better hope they let me into the courtroom then.”

“You offering to kill a man in cold blood there, Reid?”

“Well. I wouldn’t call it cold. Besides, I’d never get caught.” Reid answered. 

“We’re lucky you’re on our side, kid.” Morgan said. 

He felt the breath catch in his throat. It hit him suddenly that it was over. Carl was caught- statute of limitations be damned, Derek had the confession out of him. He had his own testimony, even if it was good for nothing but evidence should Carl plead not guilty. 

“He always told me that he was the one who pulled me out of the gutter. That I was nothing without him. I believed it. My whole life until now, I believed it.”

He felt Reid’s eyes on him, for once silent. 

“Twenty years. I gave him twenty years of my life. Until tonight.” He took a deep breath, sucking the cold night air into his lungs. “I’m finally free of him.”

He felt Reid’s cold hand press his arm. He took the other man’s thin fingers in his own. 

“You don’t owe him anything, Morgan.”

Morgan nodded. “I know that now. I finally know.” He blinked heavily, eyes wet with tears. “Shit. I haven’t cried this much since my dad died.”

“My mom says crying is the body’s way of balancing the humours.”

“You know I don’t know what that means.” Morgan laughed. 

“Medieval medicine. Remind me to read you some Hildegard of Bingen when we get home. You’ll like her. She didn’t put up with anything.”

“Home. That sounds good.” He felt Reid squeeze his hand. “Hey, Reid, can- you mind sticking around here?”

“Your mom already told me I have to sleep on the couch. I told Hotch to let everyone crash, and we’d meet them tomorrow.”

Morgan nodded. Then he let go of Ried’s hand and stood.

“Okay. One more favour?”

“Anything.”

A broad claim- but he knew Reid meant it.

“Think you can run back up for me in there? In case they have questions That I…” He swallowed. “I don’t know if I can answer everything.”

Reid stood up. “Of course. Whatever you need.” He briefly pressed a delicate hand to Morgan’s cheek, then stood back. 

The distance between them was the same as ever, yet not quite as insurmountable as before.

“Let’s go.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk how i feel about this. I tried to make Reid brash without being ooc. But s2 is a rough time for everyone.

Derek sat at his mother’s dining room table, the small space crowded with his family as well as Reid. The other agent sat with his hands around a fresh cup of coffee in a chipped mug that read  _ World’s Best Mom  _ on it. Derek had gotten it at the corner store for his mom’s birthday when he was 11. It had survived more than twenty years being passed around the Morgan family home, holding beverages of all kinds. 

He thought about how he should get his mom new dishes. Something nice for the house, anyway. She refused to move, even if he could help support her now. She said she wanted to stay in her community. 

“Derek?” Desiree’s voice broke through his thoughts. “Doctor Reid said you caught the killer. That it was someone from our neighborhood.”

Morgan swallowed. His mouth felt dry, his tongue heavy. 

He’d delivered this kind of news so many times. How many mothers had he watched cry, watched sob after learning what had happened to their children?

What if he’d tried to tell, as a kid? Would Reid be here alone, telling his mother they’d found an old body, that it had been her son?

“Derek?” His mother asked.

He took a breath. Sighed. There was no easy way out. He knew Reid would break the news if he asked him to. But he couldn’t let his mother hear this from a stranger, no matter how professional. 

“It was Carl. The boy killed recently, and a few others before that.”

His mother drew back, as though the words had reached out and struck her. “That can’t be right- Carl’s done so much for the kids here. He did so much for you- there must be some mistake.”

Derek closed his eyes briefly before continuing. “He confessed. I got him to confess tonight.”

“That’s impossible. You know how the police are, here. I mean, they tried to charge you!” His mom exclaimed. Sara was shaking her head in agreement. Desiree didn’t speak. 

“I know it was him. He killed those boys because they were going to go to the police after he raped them.”

Fran gasped, hand raised to her mouth. Derek looked down at the table, the scratched and dented wood. He couldn’t meet her eyes as he spoke. 

“I knew it was him because he did it to me. When he was my coach.”

The kitchen was silent for a few endless seconds. Then Fran made a choked sound. 

“Oh, God. Oh my God.” 

Sara covered her mouth with both hands. Derek could hear Desiree begin to cry. He stood up. He couldn’t stay in that seat.

“I’m gonna take a shower.”

“Derek, wait-” Fran called. Derek kept walking, making his way up the stairs to his old room turned guest room and storage, getting a change of clothes from his bag and moving to the bathroom. He couldn’t look at his family right now. He felt like there was a layer of grease on his skin, the kind of hot, shameful, oily feeling he had worked so hard to leave behind the last time he left that cabin outside the city, the last time he had washed Carl off his skin. He stepped into the shower, letting the scalding hot water wash away the day. 

* * *

Spencer watched Derek leave the table, sitting in silence until the sound of the shower turning on upstairs. 

“Mom, did you know?” Desiree asked. Her voice cracked as she spoke. 

“Of course not! Of course I didn’t know, I never even suspected.” She sobbed. She turned to Reid. “Could it be a mistake?”

It was the kind of optimistic denial he had seen in many victim’s family members. The desperation that there could be some way out of the reality they had found themselves in. 

“No. Burford confessed.” He paused. “Sexual predators, especially those who target young people or children, are typically skilled at manipulating their victims. Buford would have spent a considerable amount of time making sure Morgan- that is, Derek- felt like he couldn’t tell anyone. It’s not unusual that you didn’t notice anything amiss.”

“He’s going to prison, right? Carl.” Desiree asked. 

“It’s likely. Given the nature of his crimes he likely feels a lack of authority and adequacy in other areas of his life, perhaps even sexually. His victims weren’t young enough to make him a target in prisons, but his lack of confidence will probably scare him into taking some kind of deal. Possibly even offering to disclose the location of other bodies, should they exist. He likely began offending before even moving to this area.” Reid answered. 

With another choked sob, Fran stood and went to lean over the kitchen sink. “I feel sick.” 

Desiree moved to comfort her mother, while Sara turned to Reid. “What the hell’s wrong with you? You think my mother wants to hear about his damn sex life-”

“I asked him to answer questions. He’s just doing his job.” Derek spoke, appearing in the doorway. 

Fran turned around. “Derek… my baby, I’m so sorry, I-”

“It’s okay, mama.” Derek did his best to smile. “It’s okay.” He walked forward and wrapped his mother in his arms. 

“I should have known. You’re my boy, my little boy, I should have seen.” Fran sobbed. 

“It’s not your fault. I didn’t want anyone to know.”

Derek held his mother as she sobbed, his sisters moving to hold her. After a few minutes, he gently removed himself. 

“I have to go now, mama. We’ll get some sleep on the plane. ”

“No, Derek-” Fran started. 

“Stay here. Let us take care of you, please. You can take the guest room, Doctor Reid’s already got a blanket on the couch.” Desiree pleaded. 

“I can’t. We’re busy at the BAU.” Derek looked to Reid, who didn’t say a word about Derek’s massive stack of unused vacation days. 

“I’ll call a cab.” He said. He retrieved his bag from the living room and stepped outside. He had only just closed the door when Sara came out, grabbing his arm. 

“Wait, Doctor Reid.”

He turned to her. 

“I know Derek won’t talk to us. He never has. You can care about him, I can tell. Please just… keep an eye on him. Please?” She asked, tension clear in her voice. 

“Of course.” Reid nodded. “We all will. You don’t have to ask.”

Sara smiled slightly. “Thank you.”

She slipped back inside. Within a few minutes, Morgan and Reid were in a silent cab headed to the airstrip.

* * *

Alone on the jet while the team wrapped up at the police station, Morgan finally spoke.

“Sorry to drag you out. I couldn’t stay. The way they look at me, I…”

“They love you.” Reid said. 

“I know. But I can’t live with them looking at me like that. I don’t want them to see me like a victim, like-”

“Hey.” Reid cut him off as Morgan’s breath hitched. “You survived him. That’s what matters now.” Moving slowly, he pulled Morgan’s forehead to his shoulder, cradling him gently. “It’s okay.”

In Reid’s arms, Morgan let himself cry the twenty years of unshed tears he had held in for so long. 

**Author's Note:**

> apparently I need to mention hildegard in a cm drabble. ok. spencer only smokes marlboros because I do, and it's addictive personality kin hours


End file.
